


Living on a Touch

by yeojooyeo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Happy Ending, I hate myself, Idiots in Love, M/M, Superpowers, changki, creative writing, cursing, i condone nothing that happens in this story, i have a heart, tears angst and sadness, the pushing daisies au nobody wanted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-24 00:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16169867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeojooyeo/pseuds/yeojooyeo
Summary: Nothing was worse, Kihyun thought, than being so close to the one you care about, and not being able to do anything.





	1. Lie

The time was 8:27pm. Kihyun just got off of work. Normally he would walk back to his apartment on the right side of the road. The warm yellow lights of the city shined brightest on that side, and Kihyun loved consistency. Living the same routine made him feel calm; it made him feel comforted. The warm breeze of late summer was still lingering on his skin even in late september. It irked him to be honest. He had bought all of these clothes for the fall and winter that he couldn’t even wear.

 

Kihyun would go and ask Changkyun about it. His partner always knew the right thing to say, even if it did pick at Kihyun’s conscience. Changkyun had way too many opinions for his size, too many jokes for his mouth. He had too much of everything, but that’s what Kihyun loved the most. It kept him smiling even as he came up to his apartment building, except it wasn’t Changkyun who greeted him.

 

It was Minhyuk, and he was crying.

 

Long, silent tears dripped on his cheeks and on his chin, and it made Kihyun’s blood run cold. Minhyuk never cried. Until today, Kihyun didn’t either.

 

They said it happened quick, that he didn’t suffer. There was an old lady crossing the street with her groceries. Changkyun was on his way back after working at the local florist. He helped her the whole way, even if the cars were honking at them to move faster. Neither of them saw the car across the street make that turn, but the woman survived. Changkyun made sure of it. Now, standing in the middle of the hospital elevator, going deeper and deeper to the basement, Kihyun kept thinking. Thinking of what had happened. What surely wasn’t happening in his life and _god_ would Minhyuk stop crying? Nothing was going on. It was still a thursday. Kihyun had to go back home and make Changkyun dinner. Tonight was their anniversary, and he had a huge meal planned. He had to go home.

 

He kept thinking of that dinner until the group of doctors opened the door, heavy metal scraping against the floor. They stayed in front of the room but Kihyun was being pushed in. He was pushed in front of a white bed, concealing a person underneath the blinding white covers. It was stained in spots with a deep sickening red, but the hand that poked out from the side of the bed had a distinct blue bracelet that Kihyun recognized far too clearly but the scream that ripped from his throat soon after was too foreign to recognize.

 

“Fuck, fuck-”

 

“Kihyunie, open your hands, your bleeding!”

 

Minhyuk’s hands were gripping Kihyun’s own with a force he couldn’t feel, couldn’t register until he looked into his shaking palms and found his nails had digged so deep that blood flowed in dots from his own flesh. This. This is how it should be. Not- (Kihyun forced himself to take a brief glance at the bed that lay unmoving, how _cruel_ ) Not this. Nodding tiredly, Kihyun stood back up and took a deep breath. He tried, he tried so hard to open his eyes but they refused. Through sheer force of will alone, or what he couldn't understand.

 

“Minhyuk.. Lift the sheet.”

 

“Are you sure? I think we should wait-”

 

“I want no one else knowing about this right now”, Kihyun cut Minhyuk off with the sharpest tone he could muster, “Do it.”

 

The covers ruffled with that scratchy rough texture that all hospital blankets have, then silence. Silence that haunted Kihyun’s ears so loud that he felt like all time and space has paused. Life was floating in thin air, and he was drowning in it. He finally opened his heavy eyelids, and there lied his nightmares. His heart begged him to look away, but his brain wouldn’t let it. He was still smiling, the absolute fool. Lips in a dull purple and tears caked in tracks on his cheeks. This wasn’t how Kihyun wanted to remember him. This wasn’t how today was supposed to go. This wasn’t real.

 

Someone was crying, _sobbing,_ and it was him. Kihyun’s face became red and wet with fresh hot tears that fell and landed softly on Changkyun’s chest. That did not rise, and did not fall. Nothing like Kihyun’s heart. Nothing like it. Kihyun grabbed his hand and laid his head on the chest he fell asleep against nearly every night and he let himself fall apart. Let the world swallow him whole.

 

“You i-idiot! Why did you have to do that?! Do you even know what today is? The day we met, you dumbass. The day you c-called my photography stupid and lovely in the same sentence. How could you do this to me?! **Fuck!** ”

 

Minhyuk was tugging at his hand. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t leave. Kihyun was going to live in this moment for the rest of his life. He wasn’t leaving.

 

“Please stop crying.”

 

Great. Now he was imagining things. Imagining Changkyun was talking to him. Is this was insanity was? Could life stop torturing him for _one damn second_? This was a cruel joke. A cruel sick joke that wasn’t happening, because when Kihyun lifted his head, there he was. Changkyun was looking into his eyes. Breathing.

 

_Living._

 


	2. Burn

“What the **_fuck_ ** -”

****

Changkyun blinked at Kihyun with a worried expression, then at Minhyuk behind them and sat up. He had the nerve to look confused? Worried? Kihyun felt like he just went through fifty different mid life crisis and the five stages of grief in twenty minutes. Does he have any grey hairs?

****

Pointing with a shaking finger, Kihyun wobbled back and into Minhyuk’s arms.

****

“No, no- you don’t get to do this. What the hell just happened?”

****

“Hyung, I don’t understand-.”

****

“Look at yourself! You’re on a fucking gurney, you idiot! Do you know what I just went through?!”

****

There were arms rubbing his own in long sheltering touches, and Kihyun wondered how Minhyuk was more composed than he was, because Changkyun just came _back to life_. Changkyun looked around the bed, touching the sheets in between his fingers and then to his own skin without saying a word. His head was still wrapped in thick bandage, and half of his face was marred in red and purple bruises. Everything in Kihyun’s life was a mess. He needed a drink.

****

“Minhyuk get us out of here, please.”

****

“How are we going to sneak Changkyun out? This isn’t some heist movie!”

****

“Do what you do best.”

****

Minhyuk blinked, eyes still lingering on Changkyun. “That’s a broad statement.”

****

“Go be a drama queen. Buy us time.”

****

Sighing dryly, Minhyuk looked out the window of the door before looking back at his grieving friend. “You owe me so much for this. Like, your car or a dog. A lifetime supply of lottery tickets.”

****

“Yeah, i’ll buy you a plane or something, just go.”

****

Minhyuk braced his shoulders and pushed the doors open with wide arms and screamed something hysterical akin to _“It’s a MIRACLE, MY SON IS ALIVE”,_ and truly, living his best soap opera dream while Kihyun handed Changkyun his own coat. He couldn’t look him in the eye or even hold his hand again to make sure this wasn’t a figure of his imagination. They’ll talk about this later. If Kihyun can even get the words out of his mouth.

****

To say the doctors were confused was an understatement. Changkyun’s broken ribs were healed, his concussion gone. The only sign that he had been in an accident were the blooming bruises on his head and chest,  but otherwise he has the okay to go home. Kihyun watched the buildings pass in the cab as he swallowed to keep the lingering nausea in his throat. His skin was skittering with electricity at the man sitting next to him, but he couldn’t look. He couldn’t look into those eyes and feel normal again. It would come eventually, but right now? Right now all Kihyun could do was hold back tears in his eyes and deal with this one minute at a time.

 

 

 

“Go get some rest. I’ll.. come check on you in an hour.”

****

Changkyun rubbed his arm and looked at Kihyun with such longing that Kihyun’s heart physically ached, yearning to hold him, but he held himself together as he gave a light nod and walked into their shared bedroom. Kihyun all but collapsed onto the couch with Minhyuk right behind. Kihyun choked back a sob but that wasn’t enough, and the next wall of tears wet his face with his hand trying to cover his voice as much as humanly possible.

****

“It’s going to be on the news at some point.”

****

“I know.”

****

“Do you have superpowers or something? What happened to Changkyun doesn’t just happen.”

****

Kihyun held up his hand and turned it, examining every inch of his skin. One minute the love of his life was pale and unmoving, the next, full of pink skin and eyes shining bright.  There was no scientific or logical explanation for how this is real. Kihyun always believed in the realistic aspects of life. Water was wet, the sky was blue, when people got hurt they _stayed_ hurt. What just happened an hour ago threw his mind for a complete loop and he didn’t know what to make of it to be quite honest. These veins, this skin, it had the power to bring back life? Doing what he did best, Kihyun picked up his laptop from the coffee table in front of him and flipped it open hoping to find something to make this all make sense. _Reincarnation_ only brought up folk tales, comic books, and science fiction so that was a bust. The official term for anything scientific to put a name to the situation was _Lazarus Syndrome_ , where the body can have a delayed reaction to cpr before the heart starts beating again. The thing is, Kihyun never gave him CPR. Changkyun was stone cold when he touched him, and then he.. Wasn’t.

****

Was Kihyun a freak of nature or was this all his imagination?

****

“Do you still want to go to lunch with Hyungwon and Jooheon tomorrow? I know Changkyun was supposed to come too, but-.”

****

Kihyun’s headache was positively grating at this point; he really couldn’t bother to think about the future right now. Still.. This would do him some good, a distraction. They could figure this out, yeah? Kihyun pulled himself fully onto the couch and closed his eyes, waving to Minhyuk that he was done.

****

“You’re welcome to stay. Today was a long day for all of us.”

****

“Yeah, i’ll go sleep with Changkyun to keep an eye on him. You need the rest, Kihyun.”

****

As loud as Minhyuk tended to be, Kihyun was lucky the guy could read the younger him like a book. Maybe a nap would wake him up from this twisted dream.

 

 

 

Kihyun blinked his eyes into a stark awareness that his apartment was pitch black. _I guess I really did pass out,_ Kihyun thought as he rolled on his back, instantly regretting his choice. His head was squeezing him to pieces and his eyes felt like lead. This is worse than a hangover.. So much worse. Deciding now was the best time to try and eat something, Kihyun sat up and froze, legs unmoving. His heart rocked in his chest as he caught Changkyun in his vision standing in the kitchen. His eyes were boring holes into a glass of water, and his face looked worse than Kihyun’s, if he tried to look in a mirror. His eyes were puffy and red, like he had been crying for hours, the bandage still on his head. He was tucked into his sleep clothes; the worn ratty set of black joggers and hoodie. It felt like any other night; Changkyun having a hard time sleeping and Kihyun joining him at the table, just listening to him talk.

****

Changkyun turned and met his eye, and every worry Kihyun had up to that moment shattered like glass.

****

“Come here.”

****

Doing as he was told, Changkyun came closer and sat on the same sofa, a few inches between them. Kihyun could feel the lingering heat from his skin and it was a relief he didn’t know he needed.

****

“You know I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

****

“I know.”

****

The silence was palpable as Changkyun kept opening his mouth, but rephrasing what he wanted to say. His lips were glistening in the low light fluttering in from the street lamps outside, skin bitten red. Changkyun tended to do that whenever he was nervous (Kihyun wanted to tell him to put on lip balm). Kihyun put his hand on Changkyun’s knee, rubbing the thumb. The other relaxed significantly.

****

“Listen, I didn’t do this on purpose.. I was on my way back to the apartment and saw this old lady trying to cross the street with a huge bag and no one was helping. I saw the car coming, I did, but you know how I am.”

****

Kihyun snorted, letting his shoulders fall. “Stubborn.”

****

Changkyun grinned, feeling better. “Yeah, that.”

****

“I should be furious at you, but you did something nice for someone. The world is just messed up, and we had to suffer.”

****

Changkyun couldn’t argue with that one. “Yeah.”

****

Kihyun pet Changkyun’s tan locks gingerly, touching the strands as light as a feather. Tonight came too close. “Did it hurt?”

****

Changkyun leaned into Kihyun’s touch like a kitten would. “You remember when Minhyuk broke your mixer and you made him compliment you for a whole hour?”

****

“Excuse you, but that was more flattering than painful. Anyone would be honored to compliment me. I clearly have so much to talk about.”

****

A breathy laugh escaped the youngers lips, his eyes pointing towards Kihyun’s lap. Changkyun shifted his legs under himself as he leaned into the seat and closed his eyes.

****

“You should answer your phone. I can wait.”

****

Kihyun picked up his phone from his lap and truth be told he had a message.

 

**Hoseok**

****

Hey Ki, you didn’t come by the studio today

 **** Something happen?

 

 _Oh my god, I have to lie_ , Kihyun panicked internally. _To Hoseok._ That’s like, breaking an unbreakable rule. No one just _lies_ to Hoseok.

****

                                                                                                                                                                                     **Kihyun**

****

Uh.. listen

****

**Hoseok**

****

You didn’t piss off Minhyuk and he has blackmail on you again, did you?

 **** Hyungwon still has that photo saved on his phone

 

                                                                                                                                                                                    **Kihyun**

****

It’s early as hell and your bringing that up again?

****

**Hoseok**

****

But _Yeojoo_

****

**Kihyun**

****

Okay we’ll talk about this another time

 **** But I need you to pass some news to everyone and

                                                                                                                                                    Not freak out about it

                                                                                                                                                       

 

**Hoseok**

****

Oh

it’s serious?

You’re usually the one telling us this stuff

****

                                                                                                                                                                               **Kihyun**

****

I know but

                                                                                                                                                                                 Ugh

                                                                                                                                    I have a lot on my plate right now

****

**Hoseok**

****

Did Changkyun try to cook you something and burnt another pan?

****

                               

                                                                                                                                                                             **Kihyun**

****

No

                                                                                                                                                                              I wish

                                                                                                                                                                            Hoseok

 **** Changkyun was in an accident tonight

 

**Hoseok**

****

Ki.. oh my god

 **** Is he okay?

 **** Do you need me to come over??

****

                                                                                                                                                                         **Kihyun**

****

No

                                                                                                                                                                   He’s here

                                                                                                                                                                      Resting

                                                                                                                                    Minhyuk knows, he was there

                                                                                                                                       But Jooheon and Hyungwon

                                                                                                                          They're going to take this alot harder

                                                                                                                                                    Can you tell them?

 

**Hoseok**

****

Kihyun you know their going to try to come over there right away

 **** What do I even say?

****

                                   

                                                                                                                                                                   **Kihyun**

****

Shit I don’t know

****

                                                                                                         Min said were all meeting up tomorrow so

****

                                   

****

**Hoseok**

****

Yeah okay

You know I love you right

 

                                                                                                                                                               **Kihyun**

****

Yeah

                                                                                                                                                                  I do

                                                                                                                                                Thanks..for this

****

**Hoseok**

****

I got you Ki

Tell Changkyun i’m here for him

I’ll text him some memes

That’s always a Changkyun magnet

****

                                                                                                                                                        **Kihyun**

****

That’s how I got him yeah

                                                                                                               That and my incredibly good looks

                                                                                                                                            I’ll see you later

 

Kihyun turned off his phone screen to find Changkyun nodding off again next to him, and he couldn't help but smile at the sight. He had a habit of getting tired waiting for people. It felt like the bandaid he needed on a day that ripped him to shreds from sheer adrenaline alone. His fingers twitched, wanting to move and touch. To feel, even a bit closer. What if this power woke up again? If Kihyun can bring Changkyun back to life with a simple touch- Wouldn’t it drag him back down as well?

****

“Your thinking so loud our neighbor can probably hear you.”

****

Screw it, Kihyun needed the contact. The lips should be okay; Not the skin, but the lips. Kihyun just needed to lean in. So he did, grabbing Changkyun by his shoulders, _his warm living shoulders_ , and pressed their lips together. His heart ignited immediately, buzzing with emotion. He could feel Changkyun move along with him, pushing Kihyun back as they melded together. It felt like pure bliss, but as quickly as the moment started, it fell along with Changkyun as his body went limp on top of Kihyun’s chest. Shoving the younger off of him like it was an insect, Kihyun stood up with quickening, deep breaths as he hugged into himself, eyes frozen wide at the body on his couch.

****

He knew this would happen, he knew it, he damn _knew it_. His thoughts were going a mile a minute, rivaling Changkyun’s unmoving, pale form. The younger lay motionless on the sofa, eye bags deepening in a deep and grueling purple shadow and lips parted. All but collapsing on his own legs, Kihyun grabbed at the other hand like he did before, and like a switch turned on in the universe, Changkyun’s skin filled back up, bright and rosy. His eyes popped open and searched with a frantic air as he reached back out, but Kihyun fell back harshly with his hands on his ears. He was crying again, more, harder this time, eyes completely shut.

****

What the _hell_ was going on with him?

****

“DON’T MOVE!”

****

“I don’t _understand_ \- What is going on?”

****

Minhyuk was sleeping in the next room, he couldn’t keep yelling. It wasn’t fair; to Changkyun or himself. None of this was his fault. His kind, dumb and caring personality that was helping someone in need wasn’t to blame for any of this. Kihyun didn’t understand why this was on his shoulders.

****

Nothing was worse, Kihyun thought, than being so close to the one you care about, and not being able to do anything.

****

“I can’t _touch_ you. There’s some sick power that just won’t let me touch you. Everytime I do, you die again.. I can’t take any more of this!”

****

Changkun blinked at him with large eyes. They couldn’t touch each other, be near each other, or even feel each other. It literally hung on the balance of life and death. Kihyun was sitting in front of him, face soaked with tears that no matter how many times he wiped them away, they stayed.

 

He was suffering, wrecked, and there was nothing Changkyun could do about it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters should be longer and less depressing, give me strength.

**Author's Note:**

> A multi chaptered piece full of angst with some humor but feel free to cry at me about it. 
> 
> I hate me too.


End file.
